


Kevamie Welcome To Hell AU

by McFaye



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon), Welcome to Hell - All Media Types
Genre: M/M, oog - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-25
Updated: 2018-12-25
Packaged: 2019-09-26 20:02:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,490
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17148233
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/McFaye/pseuds/McFaye
Summary: Instead of continuing my other aus, heres a new one





	Kevamie Welcome To Hell AU

//merry chrysler nicole! U don’t have any ocs I could draw so I figured I’d write u my 2638th Kevamie AU//

He still wasn’t entirely sure how it happened. Last thing he knew, he was walking to the next house, arms with stacked packages, then headlights. Now he wasn’t quite sure where he was. It was just darkness. His mailbag was still slung over his shoulder and his hat had fallen a ways away. Jamie scrambled to his knees and picked it up, placing it back on his head. 

It really was a shame. He was finally a senior, and he had only applied to this job for some extra cash. It was unfair it was the way he had to die.

“Welcome to Hell. Would you like some hands?”

Jamie turned around to the source of the voice and immediately crawled back. It was some sort of, creature. With two pairs of arms and an obnoxiously large pair of sunglasses. Not to mention she was freakishly tall. She decided on a hand and extended it to his smaller form.

“Well, how about this one? Come now, darlin!”

“Uh, th-thanks…” Jamie reluctantly put his palm in hers, and he was immediately lifted off of his feet and swung into an office. 

He ran his sweaty hands over the strap of his mailbag and took a look around. It was as if they were on the stage of a talk show, which he would have taken advantage of provided this was any other situation. 

“This is my office! Sit, sit!” The tall lady crouched down onto a chair three sizes too small and interlocked her fingers.

“Do you know why you’re here, Mr. Cordero?”

“I...died?” He took a step back. “Wait, why am I in hell?” The lady frowned and folded her bottom pair of arms.

“Sorry sweetheart, seems Heaven’s full at the moment. I hope you don’t mind it down here.” 

She looked down at his horrified face, thinking over the most recent shocking events of his death, and being sent to hell for no good reason. The lady fiddled with her bow tie and took pity on him.

“Tsk tsk. Tell you what. I’ll set you up with a human counterpart! Wouldn’t that be lovely? I’d have someone to add to my audience!”

She waved her arm over to the empty rows of extravagant seats in front of the stage. After the effect had fallen off, she scurried over to her desk and pulled out a folder.

“Alrighty darlin! Let’s just get you set up here. How about this fella!” She slammed the folder onto her desk and a photo of a boy his age had fallen out. He had black hair and the air of a superiority complex.

“Wh-”

“Oh! How rude of me! I am Sardonyx! Welcome to Hell, again!”

Jamie looked around and tried to get his bearings. This at least 16-foot tall ‘Sardonyx’ lady had just banished him to an eternity in hell, and now he was being...assigned to someone?

“Um, Miss. What am I supposed to do?”

“Tut. Well, I know this won’t sound pretty, but I’ve been /dying/ for someone to watch my upcoming show! However, in order to get some audience members, they would have to...come here. The only way a human can-”

“I- I have to kill him?!” Sardonyx looked off to the side.

“Well, when you say it like that it sounds so cruel! No, no. /You/ won’t kill him. You’re incorporeal now. See, he would have to do it himself.” Jamie’s eyes widened as his fingers shook.

“Still!”

“That’s showbiz, baby! Now, now. Off you go!” She took him by his back collar and took a step towards the backstage door.

“Woah, wait! Hey! I’m not doing this!” Sardonyx held him right in front of the door, and brought him closer.

“You don’t have a choice, darling! Best of luck!”

He felt her slam his body against the door and felt himself go to the other side. Except this was not what he envisioned backstage to be like at all. This was a street, one close to where he was just delivering. It was no longer noon, it looked to be about 7 am. 

Jamie looked around and saw the boy waiting for the bus, and seemingly incredibly disturbed that he would have to get on that bus. After all, he certainly wasn’t wearing middle-class clothes. It was if he just walked out of a country club.

He took some steps toward him, only to realize his feet weren’t making contact with the ground. He was floating. Soon, he had hovered over to the boy’s side, and had planted his feet onto the concrete. 

Maybe he couldn’t see him. He turned to look at the boy. A quick glance at his monogrammed backpack told him his name was Kevin. Suddenly, he looked back up to his face, just to see he was being given the side eye. Without breaking eye contact, the boy took some purple headphones out of his backpack and put them onto his head. He turned back to staring into space. 

Jamie’s face heated in embarrassment. He kept his eyes on his feet until he heard the hiss of the bus approaching.

He watched Kevin tentatively step on and sneer at everyone he saw. Jamie floated up behind him and watched him pick a seat. Once he had sat down, Jamie stood by to wait for the go ahead. 

Kevin begrudgingly looked back at him, and pulled his bag onto his lap without a word.

Jamie smiled and sat next to him.

“Hello darlin! How’s it going?” 

Jamie nearly got whiplash when he turned to see the lady sitting in the seat across from him. She was suddenly the height of a normal human, but no less odd in appearance.

“Why’s he being so rude to me?”

“Because he’s a spoiled brat? I mean come on, he is rich.” 

“Can he see me?”

“He can, they can’t.” She gestured to the kids on the other seats.

“Can he see /you/?”

“Nope!” Jamie’s brow furrowed in confusion.

“Can he hear us?”

“Well he can hear /you/, you’re talking to yourself, sweetheart!”

He whipped his head back to look at Kevin, who was staring out the window.

“Nuh-uh, he’s wearing headphones!” 

But when he looked back, she was gone.  
\--

This was the weirdest day of Kevin’s life by far. A new kid in a mailman Halloween costume was following him around, talking to himself, and he could have sworn he saw him floating at one point. He wouldn’t leave him alone. It was as if he was drawn to him, somehow. He told himself he was just going insane and he would leave eventually.

But it was hard to dismiss some things.

The kid had leaned too far on the desk next to him, and the desk fell over. This apparition was able to acknowledge his surroundings and was determined to interact with him some way.

And he didn’t look...normal.

There was a faint, /ghostly/ aura around him. Sometimes he could see some devil’s horns hovering next to his head. 

It was taking a lot to convince himself that he wasn’t being haunted.

During lunch, he had sat down next to him and tried to introduce himself. He got up and moved.

Kevin wasn’t exactly exceptional in Gym, but he was good enough. However, his reputation dropped exponentially when he for some reason shot the basketball towards his ‘new friend’, and he completely missed it.

Finally, the school day was over. It was already shitty when his mom was too busy to drive him and he had to take the bus with garbage people. Now this ghost boy was following him home, and he was wondering what on earth he did to get haunted.

Every step up his driveway made him more and more nervous. When he got to the door, he worked up his courage, ripped off his headphones, and turned around.

“What do you want?” 

After a whole day of being ignored, Jamie was not prepared for Kevin to try talking to him. He held his bag closer to his body and looked away.

“Uh. I’m a mailman, and I’m here to haunt you?”

Kevin rolled his eyes and walked into the foyer, slamming the door behind him. 

Jamie wrung his hands, unsure of what to do now.  
\--

The next morning after an odd night spent in Hell, he showed up at the same bus stop from the previous day. Kevin’s mom was getting increasingly busy and Kevin was now forced to ride the godforsaken bus.

Jamie tried to shoot him a smile, and Kevin gave him another side eye.

In his first class, Kevin was relieved to see no one sitting in the desk next to him. He breathed a sigh of relief and picked up his pen. Suddenly, he could see a familiar face looking up at him. He jumped in his seat, and soon his back was on the classroom floor with kids laughing all around him.

The boy was just smiling over him.

Once he realized there was no getting rid of him, Kevin let him sit next to him at lunch. It was actually kind of interesting getting to know him, listening to him. He looked around to make sure no one was watching them before he asked his next question.

“So. Are you really a ghost?” 

“Uh, demon actually.”

“...hm.”  
\--

Over the course of the day he had also found out that Jamie had a proclivity for acting. The next morning he did voice exercises while they waited for the bus.  
\--

He tried to pay attention writing notes, but he could see a piece of paper being slipped onto his desk out of the corner of his eye. It was Jamie’s attempt at doing what Sardonyx had asked of him. Kevin opened the letter quietly and squinted at it.

‘You should probably just kill yourself :)’

When he looked back to Jamie for an explanation, he just got a thumbs up.  
\--  
Jamie would barely give him room to breathe. When he had gone to the bathroom he had nearly fallen over when he noticed the boy had phased his head through the wall to check up on him.  
\--

Kevin trudged the few blocks home from where the bus left him, Jamie hovering close around his head. He twisted in the air and hang in the air in front of him.

“What are you listening to?”

“Sadie Killer?”

“Never heard of her!” 

Kevin rolled his eyes and pulled his headphones off, holding them out in front of him.

“Seriously? You’re unbelievable.” 

This was the closest thing to an act of kindness Jamie had ever gotten from him. Still, he clung to his hat and held it firmly against his head before finally pulling it off, fluffy tufts of hair falling out and framing his face. Wearing it for so long had definitely messed it up. Kevin snickered, which then turned into a laugh as he kept making his way to his house.

Jamie put the hat back on his head and tried to get the redness to leave his face before he went to catch up with him.  
\--

Kevin nearly tripped on his own two feet, biting down on a piece of toast in his mouth, only to see Jamie was already waiting for him. 

“You’re late!”

“I hate you.”  
\--

It had taken him a while to actually get used to the idea of having a demon following him around like a pokemon, and even longer to manage talking to him without getting weird looks from passersby. He was warming up to him, but he was getting more and more tired as the week drew to a close.

“Fuck!”

“I just realized I can get in your house whenever I want!”

Kevin had his back flush against his door, breathing heavily as he tried to calm down. 

“I would really appreciate...if you would stop doing that...put a fucking bell on you.”

Jamie only smiled in response.  
\--

The first day had become days, and those days weeks, and now months. And Kevin had just told him he sucked at his job. 

He scoffed as he thought back on his assignment. He was a little offended, but in fairness, he had made absolutely no success in making Kevin want to kill himself. Hell, if anything, he seemed happier as time went on.

After Kevin had made his way up to his room, he felt a chilling presence behind him. This time, she made no effort to reduce her size, and she towered over him.

“So how long has it been darlin? A day, a month, a week?”

“Um-”

“No really, you humans have just the most arbitrary measurements of time I just can’t get it.”

Before Jamie could open his mouth, she continued.

“Anyways, this is really going on longer than I had hoped. My theatre is as empty as ever! You’re really taking your sweet time with this boy, huh?” 

“No, it’s, it’s been difficult.”

“So you can’t do it?”

“No, I mean-”

“Of course! You like him, that’s why you’re stalling!”

“I am not-” Jamie’s face was flushing. To be fair, it wasn’t like Kevin wasn’t a good guy. Or wasn’t funny, or nice to him, or interesting, or pretty. He mentally scratched the last part out.

“Then what is it?”

“He just- he just doesn’t care! He’s not affected, I pester him in class, I made him uncomfortable, I follow him around-”

“Oh yes! I saw your little montage there! You’ve been doing quite a lot, haven’t you?”

“I’ve got him passing balls to a ghost in Gym class-”

“He’s making passes at you? Oh no, right, go on.” Sardonyx clasped her hands in front of her, as if she couldn’t wait to hear more gossip.

“Everyone’s starting to think he’s crazy, but it’s just not getting to him! Why won’t he notice me?”

Sardonyx looked down at him sadly for a second, patting his head with a hand the size of a mini-fridge.

“Don’t sound so upset my darling, he’ll come around in time. It’s not like there’s a deadline. It just has to happen eventually.”

“Well, what kind of afterlife is just sitting in a theatre forever? No offense to your um, talents..?”

Jamie balled his fists at his hips.

“What if I...can’t?”

“Then you would be taking his place. Au revoir darlin’! And good luck!” 

Suddenly, she was gone again.

The bag hanging on his shoulder felt heavier, despite all the mail that was in it disappearing when he had died. He had to do this. He had to do...something.

He shouted up to Kevin’s room.

“Come on Kev! A little death never killed anybody!”

“For the last fucking time, stop talking to yourself and get out of my house!”


End file.
